|Posted on October 20, 2013 at 4:20 AM||comments (0)|
This may be hard to do however I am going to continue to share the journey Frank started it is what he wanted......
I held my husband's hand until he took his last breathe. Wow something I said I would do however it was so very hard. This was something so very special for me however after I stepped away from him it began to destroy me. The nurse came from hospice to pronounce him and then call the funeral home to come pick him up. When the funeral home came to pick him up they asked me a very odd question. Did I want my husband's head covered when he left? I was a bit freaked out by this question and said no. They took my husband away and then family started to leave. I slept for about two hours and then had to go with my father in law to sit with the director to plan my husband's services. My husband wanted to be cremated which they say is "cheaper" and omg that is not true. What my husband wanted was simple however when all was said and done the total was just under $5,000.00. Make sure you invest in life insurance no matter how young you are. I am very glad I had my father-in-law with me as it was something that just seemed so surreal. I made sure my husband had everything he wanted and then went home. I do not even recall much after my father in law dropped me off it was as if I was in a daze. I did however sleep in my bed again for the first time. Today I went to the funeral home to drop off 3 Notre Dame Jersey's for him to wear. Why three? He never told me which one he wanted so I made sure he had all three I made sure he had his Notre Dame Visor as he wore it through much of his fight. I gave him his Notre Dame blanket as I did not want him to be cold. I dropped off the urns and the music my husband chose. While I was there I had decided to see my husband one last time and I was glad I did because the image of him once he passed was a really hard image. Today I saw him looking so peaceful. I put all my #FranksFight wristbands on his arm, gave him a kiss, fixed his hair, and then put my hand out took his arm and slapped my hand with his and said see you later. Some people may find that morbid however my husband was a jokester and we had the same sick sense of humor so for us that is quite hysterical Tonite I and a bunch of family members watched the UFC PPV and we have Gareth to thank as he offered to pay for it and did. It was so nice to do something my husband loved with a bunch of his family. I continue to read all comments however they are often hard to read and I have to stop and find something else to do. I appreciate all the comments and thank you all for them. They are hard to read because my husband was that great of a guy and I start to cry so I have to read them a little at a time. As always thank you for supporting our family. RIP BABE
|Posted on October 12, 2013 at 9:05 PM||comments (0)|
Time to lay down and get some much needed sleep. Tonight I go to bed with a clear mind and happy in that me and hubby together planned his service it was so awesome being able to have him answer all the questions and know exactly what he wants and does not want. Very productive day today and hubby actually had a bit of a better day then yesterday. Amazing all the way up until the end we will together make sure everything is handled. The only thing I will not be able to do with my husband is take his journey to paradise however he will be booking me a ticket for a later date when he does get there Hug your family tell them you love them and be happy they are here with you today. Gn everyone
|Posted on October 12, 2013 at 3:15 PM||comments (0)|
4 hours ago via mobile
Had an a heartbreaking but much needed chat with my hubby last night. I told him everything i needed to say and then told him if he sees the light to run toward it and not look back. He is the true meaning of a "fighter" and i love him to much to let him think he needs to hang on for me. I love you babe always and forever
|Posted on October 12, 2013 at 3:10 PM||comments (0)|
23 hours ago
I called Sue one of my favorite people from the cancer center and had hospice set up. She kept telling me how great amazing and awesome it was that I was doing what I was doing and I said it is my job. I find it hard to believe that any wife would do anything other however sue explained some cannot deal with it or handle it and i thought oh wow really!! As a wife whether you can handle it or not it is your job is that not what vows are? My husband will live out his life in his home in his own bed no where else. That is what a marriage is about you just do it whether you can handle it or not you figure it out and do it plain and simple.
|Posted on October 8, 2013 at 10:40 PM||comments (0)|
When I awake I have no idea if my husband is alive, doing well, or doing bad. I first check to see if he is breathing. Today before I could check he says good morning to me and smiles. He then tells me that he awoke felling like it was the end of the day and he just has no energy. This tells me he will remain in bed for the day. I then decide to stay in the room when not doing cleaning and such. Some days I choose not to as it is hard to see. Days like today I choose to be right there. As he lays there he often twitches sometimes only a little and other times really violently. They scare me enough that I jump. His hands and fingers are often moving. I wonder is he dreaming. The majority of today I worried is this “the day”. As Frank talks to me whenever he is up the worry in me starts to decline. I then focus on making sure he has what he needs which is usually water. This is a vicious cycle he goes through good days and bad days.
I know that each day that goes by my husband’s cancer is continuing to grow and there is no treatment to fix it and that out right sucks. He continues to tell me how he is tired of being so useless. He has been through so very much yet he still continues to stuff without being able to even get out of bed some days. When is enough suffering enough? I love my husband so very much but watching what this cancer is doing to him as the days pass is horrible. The worst thing of it all is each day we wake up we are one day closer to losing each other .
NO MAN DESERVES TO SUFFER
I LOVE YOU BABE
WHAT WILL I DO WITHOUT YOU?